My wife is currently on a week long business trip in London and left me in charge of our two children. This is what I’ve learned.
1. You have to feed your children – Wait, so let me get this straight. What you’re saying is that I have to be in charge of every single meal? Whose bright idea was it to start feeding them in the first place?
2. The iPhone is a great invention – I mitigated several tantrums and brawls by pulling up YouTube videos of dump trucks. Thank you, Stevey J and Timmy C.
3. Sand is terrible – Why do they build playgrounds with sand? There are literal sand dunes from when these kids enter the house after a trip to the park. We even have a strict “no shoes inside” policy but they still manage to bring a Sahara wind storm through the living room.
4. Holidays are hard as a solo parent – I had to do Halloween by myself, and after trick-or-treating, I had to pry the baby’s firefighter costume off of him because he believed he was an actual firefighter. I am so exhausted. Never again.
5. Grandma’s are clutch – YO shout out to all Grandmas on Earth for swooping in and pinch hitting. Definitely a life saver with point #1 too.
6. Painting is stupid – I handed each kid a paintbrush. They started painting so I was like cool, I have a quick minute to browse through Instagram while they dip and swerve on some colors. After a quick thumb scroll, I look up and the baby had painted his damn eyelids. I mean fierce, but like, how did we get here, Baby?
7. Bathing is stupid – have you ever chased a wet, naked baby down a hallway and he jukes you hard like Deion Sanders in his prime and you fall and hurt your back (and your ego)? Cool, just me?
8. Socks are stupid – The more I yelled at my daughter about putting her socks on, the less she put her socks on. The whole situation lasted 17 and a half minutes. It ended with us staring at each other—both over socks and one another. Then, after that entire ordeal, we couldn’t find her shoes.
9. Library books – they are overdue. Don’t tell the librarian or my wife.
10. Plumber – I was supposed to call him. I didn’t. Again, don’t tell my wife.
Anyway, she comes back today. At least the house is still in tact. Oh, and I found the shoes. They were buried in the sand dunes.
Have a solo parenting story? Comment and let me know! Be sure to follow the shenanigans on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest. You can email me directly to say hello too!
ps. Shout out to all single and solo parents. You amaze and inspire me. I don’t know how you do it!