The most romantic gifts I’ve given my wife

Pshh, ya’ll know me. I like to keep my marriage spicy. This means getting my wife surprise romantic gifts when she’s not expecting them. Here are the top 3 romantic gifts I’ve given my wife over the years:

My Critter Catcher

My wife will get startled, find a pair of sandals, and hurl it at our poor eight legged friends. Not in my house, dude. You see, I was born overflowing with empathy and a deep care for every living being on planet earth, so I surprised her with this gem. Now anything from spiders to moths to little ants get enclosed in soft bristles and gently re-released into our backyard. No yelling. No screams. No lives taken. The children clap and cheer. Wait, is it getting hot in here? Or did Daddy just save the day again?

Romance level: Sriracha scorch

Water Bottle

You know what’s sexy? Staying hydrated. I noticed one day that the firstborn, baby, and I all had water bottles in our hands, while my wife was using a plastic water bottle. WOW. I mean, the planet is basically on fire and you want to consume more plastic? No thank you. So I bought her a water bottle from the company I work for. Good for the environment. Good for the skin. Good for our marriage. You’re welcome, gurl *winky face*

Romance level: Death Valley, California heat

Universal Smartphone Car Air Vent Mount Holder

Stop checking your phone while driving, I yelled at the top of my lungs. I quickly realized my wife was looking down on Google maps in her hands while driving to our destination. I opened up Amazon, and with one thumb swipe, ordered this phone mount for the car. Phewf. Everyone is protected now. We won’t get a ticket. We can all go back to me flirting and trying to seduce you, and you saying no.

Romance level: Kilauea volcano lava sizzle

You can pre-order my film, Lucky Fifty on iTunes today! And comment to let me know what romantic gifts you’ve gotten your significant other! And be sure to follow the shenanigans on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest. You can email me directly to say hello too!

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