5 ways my kids burned out my senses

  1. I can’t hear anymore. My eardrums have blown a fuse because my children wake up screaming like they’re at a Korn concert. So if we’re having a conversation, go ahead and take the volume up 4 to 7 notches. Seriously, it’ll help me a bunch. For example: I’ll be in a group, someone will whisper something, and everyone will hear it but me. WHISPER YOUR SECRETS LOUDER, CAROL.

  2. I have no memory. Awhile back, I called to make my son’s first year check up with our Pediatrician. The nurse asked me to verify his birthday. I blanked on the answer, and after ten seconds of silence, I told her I need to call her back. There are so many numbers in my brain, you guys. Give me a break.

  3. I can’t see. I’m basically a naked mole rat trying to find my way through the world these days. Is that Anne Hathaway or Liv Tyler on screen? Does it matter? I’ll be asleep before the opening credits of this movie finish rolling anyway.

  4. Wait, did you say something? I forgot what we’re talking about. Oh yeah, 5 ways…

  5. Do you smell that? Thanks to our kids, somehow our house ends up smelling like a platypus had a farting contest with a barn horse. The problem is I’ve gotten so used to it that I don’t even smell anything anymore. My wife wonders why I choose to live like this but I honestly can’t smell a thing.

Have other ways your children are burning out your senses? Tell me in the comments below! And be sure to follow the shenanigans on FacebookInstagram, and Pinterest. You can email me directly to say hello too!

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