I can’t fly through the air wearing a red cape. I’m not a mutant with three retractable bone claws in each hand. Nor can I shoot spider webs from my wrists. But I do have a few Dad superpowers which are comparable:
I’ve noted this before, but I can shove a handful of seeds in my mouth to the point where one of my cheeks is practically exploding (see this picture of a hamster for reference). Then, with my tongue, I can individually crack one seed open, eat that seed, and spit the shell out without disturbing any of the other seeds. If there were a sunflower seed spitting competition, I wouldn’t even need to enter—they would just hand me the first place ribbon. My wife hates this superpower and refuses to go to baseball games with me. Her loss.
Give me the keys to any car, and in one-go, I will parallel park anywhere on earth. The hills of San Francisco? I can do it with my eyes closed. Sandwiched in-between two trucks? Easy peezy young jeezy. Is there a hurricane and you can’t see out your window? Not even a problem, bro. Everytime I hit a parallel park in one swoop, I turn to my wife sitting in the passenger seat and ask, “did that just turn you on?” Her reply is always the same: “Please stop.” Oh well, her loss again.
I love airplanes. My dad moved the family frequently as a kid, so being in the sky was normal to me. To this day, I can stare out of the plane window for hours until someone tells me to pull the shades down (#rude). One of my favorite apps is called plane finder and my Instagram feed is littered with pilots and planespotters around the world. Since I have a pretty good handle on aircraft and what’s going on in the airspace around me, I can look up at the sky and tell you exactly what aircraft is flying and where it’s coming from. I will usually turn to my wife and say something like, “KLM is finally flying their 787-9’s to SFO. It’s about time they upgraded their fleet” To which she’ll reply: “Please keep your eyes on the road.” Her loss for the third time!
I will always, without a doubt, pick the longest line to be in. Whether it’s waiting for gasoline at Costco or choosing a lane to stay in while driving in traffic, I will was born with this superpower (my wife says curse).
I will always want, and will suggest to eat, a burrito for date night. This superpower rarely works.
What are your Dad or Mom Superpowers? Comment and let me know. Also, help me figure out how to monetize these superpowers! Follow the shenanigans on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest. Or email me directly to say hello!