My wife and daughter are a bunch of Beardists

They say if you can grow it, show it. Right?

I’ve been blessed with the ability to grow a full beard. It’s not your amateur, patchy situation either. It’s thick, luscious, and voluminous. It’s a work of art, I’d say.

I usually keep a short beard at minimum because if I clean shave, I look like I’m 16, and nobody takes me seriously. In fact, now that I’m in my mid 30’s, I have some nice pepper sprinkled throughout my chin which makes me appear wiser than I actually am. What’s the problem? Well, my wife and daughter are a bunch of Beardists.

“I will never kiss you again!” screams my daughter.

“Are you keeping that thing on your face?” inquires my wife.

“It’s prickly and yucky,” proclaims my daughter.

“You go into work meetings looking like that?” questions my wife.

I stand flabbergasted. Do they even know what they have the privilege to look at daily? There are millions of awkward looking dude-bros out there with weird, patchy, and wiry beards who are wishing for one like mine. Some can’t even grow beards!

But they don’t budge. They stand with arms crossed, stomp their feet, and make me go shave.

As I walk to the bathroom, I look down at the baby. He has no idea what all the commotion is about. I pick him up like Rafiki did with Simba in Lion King.

“Well, I hope this little guy comes back home from college on Christmas with a mustache,” I announce.

They gasp. The two Beardists weren’t ready for that comment.

Karma, am I right? Go get em’, Son!

What do you think? Are you a Beardists like my wife and daughter? Check out the pic below and comment to let me know. And be sure to follow the shenanigans on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest. You can email me directly to say hello too!

So, are you Team Beard No Fears or Team Clean Clean Jelly Bean?


  1. So much dignity with facial growth! Jealousy in some cases, naivety in others, if opposed, simply ignorance in yet others.

  2. I am sorry, I’m with the ladies on this one :). People inject their faces with liquid to look younger, you just need to shave the beard and you got 15 years back in your pocket!!

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