Here are my top 5 dad brands which I feel super passionate about because I feel like I built them with my own two hands. I honestly deserve royalty checks.
1. Cicero’s Pizza – this pizza spot in West San Jose is the best thin crust on earth. I remember in the early 90’s when it was just a small Mom and Pop shop (on Blaney Avenue), but today, it’s packed any time and day of the week. This pizza is so magical that my sister’s friend actually proposed to his wife there. Also, their website is like a Dad built it back in 1996 one drunken night using Flash hahaha. This brand is one of my favs but sadly my wife won’t even let me get a Cicero’s Pizza tattoo. Anyway, you’re welcome for all the business I’ve brought you, Cicero’s.
2. Lagunitas IPA – Remember how all of a sudden people started liking IPA’s? You’re welcome, hipsters. My Aunt lives in Petaluma and I remember going to their old brewery as a wee young lad (pre-babies and mortgage), sipping on their IPA, and instantly cocking my head in delight like a Cocker Spaniel. Now look where we are. Everyone in a top hat and a neck beard is on that IPA trend.
3. La Croix – Oh man, this sparkling shit right here. At first it was a joke between me and a few co-workers more than half a decade ago, and then all of a sudden all the Silicon Valley tech bro’s jumped on the Pamplemousse parade. Now it’s in every fridge from here to Bangalore. You’re welcome, La Croix.
4. Chromatic Coffee – This little coffee shop in the middle of suburbia was rated by Thrillist Magazine as the #1 coffee roaster in the SF Bay Area. You know who got them on that list? Ya boy right here. And now all these weirdos with beardos are flooding my favorite local coffee shop. Get outta here, dudes. Go back to Starbucks so I can complain to the baristas about my kids in peace.
5. Netflix DVDs – I remember in 1998 when Netflix was like “oh hey, we’ll deliver DVD’s to you and you can just mail them back” and I was like “girl say whaaaat??” Now Netflix is the biggest studio on earth thanks to me (at least it feels that way). I still have the DVD account today and get yelled at my wife for “wasting money”. Whatever, she doesn’t get it. But you’re welcome, Reed Hastings. Btw, can I borrow a few billion if you’re not using them? Holler at me. You have my address.