I never truly appreciated the items on this list until I became a father. Here are 13 things I started liking more as a Dad:
1. Eating out by myself – the alone time is straight FIYURRRR. You can actually think for once while sitting in silence. It’s better than Yoga. Speaking of which—who here wants to take care of my kids while I meditate with a super burrito?
2. Patterns – Have you seen my new avocado shirt and matching socks? It’s pronounced fashion? Heard of it?
3. Lazy Rivers – My wife is always suggesting we go on vacation to a big city somewhere in the world, but I just dream about floating down a river in an inner tube wearing my polarized dad sunnies. Can someone beer me, please?
4. Coffee – What is this magic juice? Can I haz moar?
5. 80’s music – I never realized how hot those beats and synths were. Pat Benatar and David Bowie anyone? Sidebar, my Daddy Jams playlist on Spotify has basically become a full blown lituation.
6. Boats – Have you ever closed your eyes and wondered what would happen if you just sailed away from your responsibilities? Just me?
7. Avocados – How many avocados are too many? YUM IN THE TUM.
8. My 32oz water bottle – Gotta stay hydrated at this age, ya feel me? I pee a lot now though. That’s probably a different story altogether.
9. The Maze Runner – Not gonna lie, I got really into it. Hit me up and let’s talk about it.
10. Golf – 9 holes on a Sunday? Boom, I’m there. Not to mention, it’s the perfect opportunity to showcase my avocado socks. Have we talked about those? Have I shown those to you yet?
11. Gardening – my front yard daliah’s are blooming so HOT that haters are gonna say it’s photoshopped.
12. Learning – I forgot everything I learned in grade school so I’m out here trying to jumpstart my brain. It’s fascinating what you can do with your mind (who knew?). Shout out Coursera and Masterclass for letting me pretend I’m smarter than I actually am.
13. Holding emergency family meetings – “Alright, is everyone present? Mommy? Baby 1 and Baby 2? Okay good—100% attendance. Let’s proceed. For today’s agenda, we are going to talk about our most recent utilities bill. First off, who here think money grows on trees? Put your hand down, baby. Okay, for the next two weeks we will be reading by candlelight and taking showers with the rainwater we collect in buckets. Cool? Cool.”