10 lies I’ve told my daughter

10 lies I’ve told my daughter:

1) Her pet fish, Yogo (full name Yogurt) was throwing a tantrum—which is why he was upside down—and wanted to go to the big ocean to visit his family. This is why I had to flush him down the toilet.

2) We can’t go swimming today because the big kids peed in the pool and it’s shut down (in reality, Mommy didn’t want to deal with the kids being wet).

3) We’ll send her to BGS aka Bad Girl School. BGS is a place where parents send their children who aren’t behaving. The UPS truck driver, named Michael, picks the bad kids up and drops them off. The teachers make the students eat rocks for dinner in the dark. There is no laughter, singing, or Netflix.

4) We can’t go camping for her birthday because bears don’t have manners and have trashed all campsites in California. They were looking for honey and now camping is cancelled this year (in reality, Mommy just didn’t want to go camping).

5) Our current President’s name is Obama (if you say it enough times, it becomes true right?)

6) The chicken she’s eating isn’t our fluffy bird friend but another food altogether and they just happen to have the same name HAHAHA isn’t that funny?? (Oh lord what have we done #braceforimpact)

7) Coffee and beer are magic juice for adults only. If kids try to drink it, they’ll shrink and turn into a platypus.

8) “Hey Siri, call Michael and drop my daughter off to BGS. She won’t clean up her toys.”

9) Only Mommy’s fancy iPhone can play YouTube. Daddy’s iPhone 6 is too old and slow. Go bug her. 

10) Grandma started this one: if she doesn’t go to sleep, we’ll open the windows and let the racoons inside.

Got any crazy fibs you’ve told your offspring? Share it with us in the comments. And be sure to follow the shenanigans on FacebookInstagram, and Pinterest. You can email me directly to say hello too! 

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