A few weeks ago, a group of high schoolers threw a house party on my block. At first I thought it was just a late evening family graduation party, but then as the sun set, more and more high schoolers started showing up. My dad anxiety kicked into full gear as I stared at the house from my front porch with my hands on my hips. What’s happening over there? Where are the adults? ARE THOSE RED CUPS??
Here are 10 conversations I had with myself in my head:
- Should I go over there and break it up? Wait, don’t be the lame old guy who does that.
- Are they drinking and driving? Oh, wow. Are they all taking Uber’s and Lyfts? Really? Damn, that’s smart. Okay, fine. Free pass.
- How out of control is this going to get? Will there be fights? Will they wake up the baby? Hmm. Looks like they’re all just laughing and hugging each other. Aww, class of 2018? They all look so happy! Damn.
- Man, they all look so cool and hip too. Is that girl wearing sunglasses inside? So cool. Oh look, they’re doing the floss dance! Is that guy wearing a cape? HAHA. He’s wearing a cape! So funny.
- WAIT, are they having more fun than I am on a Friday night? Damnit. They are.
- Damn that looks like fun. Am I old? Hold up. How long ago did I start high school? Exactly two decades ago?? Okay, now I’m sad.
- Hey, is that E-40? That’s E-40! This is my jam! They’re playing a song from my youth! Maybe I’m not old!
- Should I walk over there and join? Wait, stop. Dammit, that’s creepy. Don’t be creepy.
- OMG ARE THEY ON THE ROOF NOW?! Someone is going to get hurt. Okay, that’s it. I’m walking over there right now. No, no, no. Stop. They’ll be fine. They’re smart. They all took Lyft, remember? Did you forget one of them has a cape on? He can probably fly using an app or something.
- How come nobody invites me to house parties anymore? WTF, maaaaan.
What did I do next? I went inside and let them have their dumb little house party. I cursed and grumbled that entire night, but honestly, life goes by fast. So bottom line: have fun, be stupid, and take Lyft to your next house party. Oh, and invite me because dads can get lit too.
Have high schoolers thrown a party on your block? What did you do? Comment and let us know! Be sure to follow the shenanigans on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest. You can email me directly to say hello too!