My wife brushes her teeth wrong

Early one morning last week, I walked into the bathroom to ask my wife a question. Now, we’re coming up on 7 years of marriage so we’ve been in each others space bubbles quite a lot (perhaps too much?) but as I leaned against the door that day, I noticed something about her for the first time: she was brushing her teeth wrong. I called her out HARD.

Before we begin, for context, you should know that she and I brush our teeth manually rather than automatic (electric).

The correct way (my way)
I separate my teeth into quadrants for both my top and bottom sets. Each quadrants contains 4-5 teeth, which I subconsciously brush for 10 seconds each. I start with bottom-tops and then switch to bottom-fronts. I repeat this step for the top set. Then, I give my front teeth some extra-extra love. To close out the session, I do a quickfire repeat of all the steps to make sure I’ve hit all enamel. With my system, every tooth gets the equal amount of attention they deserve. My mouth sparkles like the tiara on Meghan Markle.

What she does (the wrong way):
Dear Lord, where do I start? Basically, she has no system to her brushing. When she puts the brush into her mouth, she freestyles in whatever direction she chooses. She has no clear path or rhythm to where she is going to swerve next. Every time she brushes, it’s a different route and sequence. It’s madness, I tell you. There is no structure or format to her brushing execution. There are so many questions off the gate like: how do you know if you’ve hit all teeth? How do you know how long you’ve brushed each tooth for? Are you even brushing or just swooshing around like a maniac? What are you even teaching our kids? Honestly, I don’t know how I’ve even kissed that mouth with this level of erratic behavior.

Her rebuttal:
“I’ve never had a cavity in my life, but you have.”

My rebuttal to her rebuttal:
(TBD – still thinking of a clever comeback, brb)


How do you brush your teeth? Any Dentist’s out there want to set things straight? Comment below. Be sure to follow the shenanigans on FacebookInstagram, and Pinterest. You can email me directly to say hello too! 

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