Sunday, November 26th, 2017. That was the day our two kids officially went turbo rachet.
It was the last day of the holiday break and our offspring decided to turn the yolo up to full blast. They must have sensed Monday approaching because they spent the entire day getting baby-turnt and just being mini-jerks. So when my wife and I finally put them to sleep that evening, our internal gas tanks were running on empty.
I dragged my lifeless body over to the couch, took a deep breath, and pulled out my phone. In a matter of 30 seconds, I let out a much needed laugh giving my energy levels a quick boost. Curious to see what caused a spike in my happiness, my wife walked into the room.
Wifey: What are you laughing at?
Me: Just slamming on memes…
Me: Slamming on memes bro, shhhh.
Wifey: What does “slamming on memes” mean?
[SKKRRRRRRRR tires screech]
Me: Did you just ask me what slamming on memes means?
Me: I’m right here on Instagram cruising through daily memes dude, what’s up? You wanna join me? I’m seriously flowing like the Ganges right now.
Wifey: Are you being serious? Is this what you do before bed?
Me: What do you mean? It’s the daily social media circuit. I ease in with 20 minutes of meme unwind-time. Then, switch over to YouTube for a full mind workout until I get to the weird part. And that’s how I know it’s bedtime.
Wifey: Who does that?!
Me: [takes a deep breath] Do you even know what’s happening here on earth right now?
Wifey: Please. I know more about what’s happening on earth than you do.
Me. I honestly don’t know how your co-workers even deal with you. I should come to your office and apologize to your entire team. Those poor people are probably sending you memes, trying to get you to laugh and be a team player, and you have no idea.
Wifey: I don’t have time for memes. In fact, nobody should have time for memes.
Me: Oh really? Nobody has time for this? This is real talk right here. Nobody should be touching the Nest but me [Shows her @daquan]
Also Me: How about this important life lesson? [shows her @tank.sinatra]
Again Me: Wait, do you even know what the difference between a smol doggo and a woofer is?? [shows her @9gag]
Wifey: [sighs and rubs her head] If I had energy, I’d be more upset right now. I can’t believe you spend your energy doing this. It’s so stupid, not to mention a waste of time [turns the TV on to Real Housewives of Beverley Hills]
Do you slam on memes too? Tag ya boy @lifewithwifey. And let me know what your bedtime vice/routine is! Make sure you follow the shenanigans on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest. Or email me directly to say hello!