Last week, I gave you my list. Now it’s my my wife’s turn. Again, just to clarify: we’re in love.
10 Things I Hate About My Husband
Written by Wife
Do you even know how to close drawers? You walk into the kitchen, open a cabinet, and just leave. Everything is left wide open. CLOSE THEM.
My rebuttal: Do they have an app which tracks open and closed cabinets? I should Google this.
You do laundry but just leave it in the laundry basket after it’s done. You don’t fold it for days and everything just sits there and gets wrinkly! If you take clothes out of the dryer, fold and hang them up right there and then!
My rebuttal: You’re right. I think it’s time we train the 3-year old to fold my clothes. Maybe I can make it into a game and pretend she’s winning, but in reality, we’re all winning? I’ll put this on our to-do list.
3) Cookie Jars
Everyone knows you’re the one secretly eating all the organic animal crackers I bought for the 3-year old. DO YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW? You forget to close the lid and the cookies end up going stale! SEE POINT #1. Just writing this has made me angry again.
My rebuttal: So you’re the one who keeps closing the lids! I’m still eating, dude!
You shave and all these little hairs end up everywhere in and around the sink. You have no clue how to clean it up and I find them all over the bathroom counter. It’s disgusting.
My rebuttal: Wow. I’m so sorry you married a man. Would you be happier if you married a platypus?
You complain about food but don’t take the initiative to cook. If I’m not around would you even know how to feed your children?
My rebuttal: Field trip! Raise your hand if you want to go to Whole Foods!
6) Not properly planning for our future
Do you even know what your 401k really does? We have two kids and I feel like you still have no idea how to properly adult.
My rebuttal: Being an adult is so lame, bro. Idea: let’s be farmers!
You make me send you reminder emails to do little tasks. You have Siri—why can’t you do it yourself?
My rebuttal: “Hey Siri, can you ask my wife where I left my keys? Thanks, gurl.”
8) Your closet
All your shirts all look the same. You keep buying shirts with patterns and your closet is overflowing with awkward dad-shirts.
My rebuttal: Yes, I need that shirt with sparrows. Yes, I need a shirt that looks like a carpet. Yes, I need that shirt with wheelbarrows. It’s called fashion, ever heard of it?
9) Your sock drawer
Why won’t you throw away your socks with holes in them? There is a box with your weird, old socks just sitting there in your drawers. Get rid of them!
My rebuttal: You want me to just throw out memories? Wow. Hashtag rude.
10) Making me write this
I’m busy and you think this blog post is the most important thing on a Sunday night. I’d rather be watching you fold your laundry right now!
My rebuttal: Aww, I love you too.